A couple days ago my good friend Justin returned to Rochester unexpectedly and, although the circumstances of his return kinda blew, it was good to have him back nonetheless. Last night, Justin, our mutual friend Joe, Justin’s younger brother Nick and I got together to drink and discuss Arizona beverages. Yeah it sounds pretty lame but it was a Monday night and i’m fairly confident that there wasn’t anything else fun going on.
As a side note, Justin’s brother insists that people should spell his name N-i-c, not N-i-c-k. I think thats hilarious. He’s in that emo music/skater/stoner stage in high school so I kinda understand what he is going for. I had a few people calling me Mark early in my freshman year of high school, not to be cool, but because I just decided to lie about my name for a week. The problem is that Nic and Nick are pronounced the same, so nobody knows, or cares for that matter, that you cut a letter out of your first name unless you write it on a piece of paper for them. ”K” was the coolest letter in his name anyway, if I had to cut a letter out of my name it would never be the “K”. Maybe the “I” because vowels are lame. Shame on you, Nicholas.
Back to the review. We went to the nearest grocery store and picked up the first five Arizona’s we saw. The ratings are an average of our 4 individual ratings in each category. The categories are:
Taste: How good is that first sip?
Drinkability: Could you drink more than one can of it and how does it sit in your stomach?
Can Design: Does the can make you want to buy the drink and does it fit the the taste?
Cost: …how much does it cost?
Arizona Lemon Tea
Taste: 3
Drinkability: 4.1
Can Design: 2.5
Cost: 5
Final Score: 3.7
Final Thoughts/Memorable Quotes: General response was positive. We described it as light, balanced and refreshing but felt that the can was a bit dull.
Arizona Sweet Tea
Taste: 1.8
Drinkability: 1
Can Design: 4.1
Cost: 5
Final Score: 2.9
Final Thoughts/Memorable Quotes: Described as southern, bland, heavy, and “cotton picking boring.” The can design did make Justin and Joe think of slavery for some reason so they felt that it fit the southern feel to the drink. Overall feeling was that it taste like feces.
Arnold Palmer
Taste: 4.8
Drinkability: 4.4
Can Design: 5
Cost: 5
Final Score: 4.8
Final Thoughts/Memorable Quotes: Scrumptious, retarded good, instaboner, perfect for summer, “hole-in-one”, and timeless. This stuff is like drinking straight from the teet of a god.
Green Tea
Taste: 2.1
Drinkability: 1.4
Can Design: 2.9
Cost: 4.8
Final Score: 2.8
Final Thoughts/Memorable Quotes: We apparently do not like green tea. It was so bad one of us gave it a 4 on cost even though it cost $1 just like the rest of them. It was described as a toothless bite, “I feel sick”, digestive problems, Drain-o, and it gets worse every sip. It was really summed up with this quote about the can design: “Ohhh, its green tea so it must be made by Asian people. Lets put cherry blossoms and Asian letters on it, ching chang chong…racist can designers.” Unless you’re really into green tea, I’d stay away from this one.
Arizona Half Iced Tea & Half Raspberry
Taste: 4.4
Drinkability: 3.4
Can Design: 2
Cost: 5
Final Score: 3.7
Final Thoughts/Memorable Quotes: It tastes awesome. So good that Justin said he would have sexual intercourse with it. The issue came with it’s drinkability, it was just too much raspberry taste for it to be enjoyable in the long run. A little unbalanced.
In conclusion, go out right now and buy an Arnold Palmer. They are stupendous. Raspberry was a close second but drink it slow to enjoy it. Lemon Tea: meh, its enjoyable. Half & Half Tropical, Half & Half Mango are two other flavors I know to be pretty awesome.
So, Arizona, if you are reading this, I’ll take my free stuff now, I just wrote a pretty decent review of you drinks. Also can you send me a Peach Iced Tea? They’re my favorite and I cant find them anywhere here in Rochester, I even texted KGB to find me a can but they blew it. I’m gonna go buy an Arnold Palmer. Goodbye.
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