Boobs. They get plenty of attention but who here can say they have really taken the time to understand the boob. No, I’m not talking about figuring out what boobs are thinking about but rather I believe we can learn a great deal about ourselves, as individuals, by finding what boob we prefer. This isn’t the old big vs small or built for speed vs built for comfort argument. This, just like billiards, is all about angles.
There are three angles up for review. First, we will discuss the pros and cons of a top down or straight on look at the ta-tas, known as the “top boob” or standard cleavage. Next we will tackle the boob from the side, commonly referred to as “side boob.” And finally, we will conclude with the notorious and oft unappreciated “under boob.” For those of you who are visual learners, the pictures below depict the three main varieties of breast exposure.
The same group as the previous Review Of The Week, Justin, Joe, Nick (Nic) and I, will be be doing the reviewing. I was originally planning on writing out a long, in-depth review like I did for the Arizona Drinks but after some soul searching we decided that may come off as weird. Anyway, here are the abridged results.
Top Boob (cleavage):
The consensus here was that at a certain point in our lives we got somewhat bored of the standard top boob and have moved onto better things. Our feelings are really summed up by the reviewer quote “everyone and their mom has cleavage, its really not that cool anymore.” On the plus side, we all know it will always be there to comfort us in times of need. On an unscientific scale from 1-10, as a group we gave top boob a 4.8. It would have been lower but Joe gave it strangely high score because he, and I quote, “likes motorboating.” Thank you for that, Joe.
As a group we felt that side boob was simply splendid. Justin really hit the nail on the head about why we like side boob so much when he said “If you took a corner too fast, its going to pop out.” That right there why they’re great; a sudden gust of wind or a quick turn could treat you to the entire boobage. Almost as if mother nature was saying, “hey Mike, check this boob out.” Side boob received an averaged score of 7.4 from the group, nothing to be ashamed of whatsoever. The only downside of side boob is that 70 percent of the time they’re accidental whereas the other two varieties are put out there by the boob owners purposely, which creates a slight creepiness about catching a sighting of side boob.
I think deep down inside of us we all knew what boob would be triumphant. When you see one of these it is a treat among treats. The sheer rarity of catching one is comparable to getting a Charizard pokemon card when you were 12. Yeah, I just compared breasts to pokemon, so what? With a score of 8.4 under boob is a clear victor. Not only did Justin really enjoy the under boob in our sample pictures provided graciously by a google search, but he also really liked the outfit one of the women was wearing: “I love the fact that she is wearing a beret.” So to all the female readers, it is possible to look classy and intelligent while showing some under boob, just make sure you’re wearing a beret.