America’s Bread Basket

Posted: September 10, 2010 by MJS in Time Wasters, Videos
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This is exactly what I want the people who grow our food to be doing…wearing it on their naked bodies. I know we don’t eat hay, but imagine the things he has done to the food that has a soft center. Yeah.

I really though as he jumped into the giant farm machine we were never going to see him again. Instead of a bale of hay coming out with naked farmer in the middle of it I expected to see just chopped up bits of farmer. Oh well, maybe next time.

On my way back from Long Island right now, the Unemployed Graduate just had a JOB INTERVIEW…weird. Off to upstate then to Ohio to see an Ironman Triathalon my uncle is racing in. These people are nuts. Go swim 2.4 miles through choppy water while everyone around you is slapping you in the face and grabbing your ankles. Fun? Ok, now ride your bike 112 miles. Wow, you must be tired. Tough shit, its time to run a marathon now, 26.2 miles. Are you dead yet?

Time Waster Website

Posted: September 8, 2010 by MJS in Time Wasters
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Remember when you could play a video game and not hear some 11 year old kid calling you a “noob” over the internet? A time when everyone had a Nintendo amidst a tangle of controller cords on their living room floor? It was a wonderful time, wasn’t it? Great news, you can relive all of those fond childhood memories right where your sitting.

This website has no less that 100 Nintendo games, all playable right within your browser.  I can’t in good conscience keep this to myself.

nintendo8.com = awesome time waster and productivity killer (click image to link to website)

Click the image to link to the website. 6 Mega Man games, a few Bomber Man, Mario, Zelda, Paperboy, Contra, Metroid and a personal favorite Blades of Steel are a few names to tickle your fancy. This website will honestly destroy your work day/week. Enjoy!

This Needs To Be Addressed

Posted: September 8, 2010 by MJS in Rant
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A look inside the world of this website…and the strange people we attract…

The Unemployed Graduate is somewhat perplexed. You see, every day I get to see all of these interesting little tidbits about traffic to my website. How many hits, how many click, what people click, etc. What raises the most questions however, is the information I get about what people searched for to get to this website.

You may expect people to search for “unemployed” or “graduate” or “unemployed graduate” to find their way onto this site from Google pretty often. But whats incredible, and at the same mildly disturbing, any term having to do with “butterfly elf”, “naked elf”, “butterfly naked woman”, or “riding tiger” is by far the most used variety of search term that leads people to Unemployed Graduate. It is because of this post where I made fun of artist Tray Mead for his creepy works of “art”.

It is 11am and already 4 people (update: 6 by 1:25) have searched Google for naked elf related pictures and ended up here today. Is there a strange subculture of people who are fans of weird images of half naked elves with wings riding tigers? Seriously, I’m somewhat upset people are now coming here for their elf porn fix. You people disgust me. Four people in one day! I Googled the “naked elf” terms people used to find me and I’m not even on the first page. These people love their butterfly elf pictures so much they went through two pages of Google to find me. Two pages! You realize how often I’ve done that for anything? Never! Imagine how much traffic the #1 site for creepy naked elf butterfly pictures gets?

So here is my crafty marketing, I will tag this post with “naked elf butterfly” and within a matter of hours I will double my traffic through those search terms. If you are at this post because you search for “naked elf butterfly” can you please explain to me why you like naked elf butterflies so much and how you got into naked elf butterfly imagery in the comment section below.

On a side note, the second most used terms are usually along the lines of “recently unemployed graduate” or “graduate unemployed”. Congratulations, you were looking for career advice and job opportunities and you ended up here. How upset you must be right now.

Justin Long Gets Creepy Via Text

Posted: September 3, 2010 by MJS in General
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Justin Long…who is he? He used to be the guy from the Mac commercials but now he is big and famous, sporting a role with Drew Barrymore in an upcoming movie I can’t remember the name of and probably won’t see. But thats not the point of this here post.

Ever get a text from a number you don’t recognize? Some people ask outright “who is this”, others like myself go on pretending you know who it is to avoid an awkward situation. Justin Long takes takes this approach to a whole new level. And it is hilarious.

Videos are from his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live, skip to 2:25 in the first video avoid the pointless talk show intro jokes to get onto his hilarious text conversation with a stranger.

Part 2

Part 3

I don’t know if at any point it stopped being funny and started being creepy. All I know is I can’t wait for someone I don’t know to text me.

Poo Poo Pastor Follow-up/A-Hole Of The Day

Posted: September 3, 2010 by MJS in Rant
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I want to say that this will be the first and last time I will discuss anything remotely political or in the area of human rights. I hate discussing this stuff, but a woman known only as “Doreen” commented on my previous post regarding Pastor Dr. Martin Ssempa and scolded me as if I were a child. She informed me that Ssempa is a great person and he has been a positive influence in Uganda. Doreen’s comment said that I shouldn’t judge him based on that one video so I replied apologetically and thought little of it.

Today, while bored, I decided to take Doreen up on her offer and see what else Marty Ssempa has been up to, maybe he is a good guy after all. Turns out he really isn’t.

Pastor Dr. Martin Ssempa uses the guise of helping fight HIV/AIDS in Africa to hide the fact that he is actually pushing a bill through the Uganda government to make homosexual sex illegal and punishable by death. Swell guy, isn’t he? First, he decides to display a slideshow of gay porn in a church, then makes incredible broad generalizations about the homosexual community (“eat da poo poo”) and finally follows it up with a law Hitler would applaud. Boyah, just compared you to Hitler, Ssempa.

I think your country’s AIDS problem is less related to people supposedly eating each other’s feces and more to all of the unprotected sex everyone is having over there. Ass.

So, Pastor Dr. Martin Ssempa, you are today’s A-Hole Of The Day. Doreen, you are the runner-up.

Once again, here is the offensively anti-homosexual ”eat da poo poo” pastor:

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