What is this world coming to when rappers start getting sued for date rape? Not to make light of rape and terrorism in the same post, but due to the fact that this lady is suing for $1 trillion and stated “[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down,” this woman obviously is beyond insane in the membrane. Like, scientologist cat lady type crazy.

In her lawsuit, it alleges “He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.” Come on, I don’t like defending P. Diddy because he is a bit douchey like Kanye, but does this sound like a sane person?

If I have learned anything in my life, if you want to be taken seriously and don’t want to sound Al Gore-ish, don’t lump claims of terrorism and “knocking down children” along with rape in your lawsuit. Thats kind of a one at a time type deal. Oh and don’t forget about the fact that Rodney King is somehow involved in all this….

If this turns out to be true, I will sue my landlord for colluding with Man-bear-pig in an effort to take a crap on my carpet and fill my bathtub with peanut butter in an act of terrorisism.

See the full story here.

First, let me make it clear for the past 3 and a half months or so I’ve been employed. Sure, I understand that makes my blogs title entirely misleading but I’d like to think deep down inside, underneath my new cold hard shell of an 8-5 cubicle worker, I’m still a bum.

This is my life.

Now onto the reason for this return from silence. Today, out of curiousity I decided to log on and check out whats going on in my absence here. Mostly nothing. Except for the absolutely redonkidonk stats about how people end up here. Yes, redonkidonk (Re-donk-e-donk). I plan using that word at work tomorrow to describe my “daily margin report”. Here are some statistics you may find both interesting and disturbing:

  • The most used search engine term to find The Unemployed Graduate: “Naked Elf”
  • The second most used search engine term to find The Unemployed Graduate: “Tiger in Jungle”
  • In the last 30 days, 155 people searched for “naked elf“, “woman riding horse”, “butterfly elf”, “elf vagina”, or some combination of the aforementioned.
  • My favorite search engine terms used: “nekede pictur in leady” and “rhino testicles”

 

I tried my best to make a site about how sweet it is to be unemployed, only to end up with elf smut. Damn. Well, when life gives you naked butterfly lemons…

Anyway, enjoy this awesome video a friend of mine showed me while I was still unemployed. It involves all of your favorite fast food mascots enjoying a nice night of alcohol, recreational drunk use, and strippers. Its pretty redonkidonk. Warning: contains alcohol, recreational drug use, and strippers.

Good Things

Posted: November 7, 2010 by eg in General
Tags: ,

So, its been a while. This should be the begining of a slow return to normalcy in the Unemployed Graduate (having a job almost killed this site).

Because I’m too lazy and busy eating some guacomoly, this will be short.

1) Communicating with another driving using something other than your middle finger.

2) Using a public restroom and seeing the toilet water is blue.

It means you win.

more to come.

If you are male, this video will be hilarious. If female, proceed with caution.

Aside from the fact that the punch looks painful, I find the guy in the video relatively toolish. Why do you have facial hair modeled after Kevin Federline’s and why are you holding your beer around the neck like an ass? You…..ass.

Once in a great while a picture comes along that truly speaks to us as human beings. A particular came through my mailbox last week was one of these said pictures. Aside from my primary needs of food, water, clothing and shelter, my secondary needs include explosions, crazy electric guitar and occasionally a fight with an animal larger than myself. This picture fulfills all of my secondary needs and somehow, almost miraculously, I no longer feel the needs for food or water whilst I gaze upon its awesomeness. So, here it is…

Take that, Rhino!

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