Pool Hopping Extravaganza

Posted: July 1, 2010 by eg in General
Tags: , ,

Did you ever have that spot just outside your neighborhood growing up where you and your friends would drink that beer you snuck out of your parent’s fridge? Maybe it was where you had your first beer or saw your first boob, I don’t know. But last week, my old friends Justin, Joe and I decided to revisit our old spot, “the train bridge”, and reminisce about our escapades of the past.  We talked about lighting the street on fire, our other friend Luke getting intoxicated and telling us that “cars are styrofoam,” and most importantly the activity known only as “pool hopping.” In layman’s terms its essentially trespassing and using other peoples’ pools for a short period of time for your own enjoyment. Layman’s terms are pretty accurate. Long story short, we decided to get in touch with our roots again and pool hop one last time before we throw in the towel.

A few nights later we meet up and begin our journey and added Justin’s friend Corey and Justin’s little brother Nick (Nic) to our posse that night.  For more information why Nick (Nic) gets the (Nic) after his name, please refer to Review Of The Week: Arizona Drinks. Anyway, it was both Cory and Nick’s first time and we felt it was our chance to pass on the legacy.  So out we went, into the suburban jungle.  I’d go into detail however it would probably sound kinda lame, but it was just after a stupendous 5 person trampoline jump into pool that we encountered our greatest foe of the night.

As we were running away, giggling like 11 year old girls, Nick (Nic) runs by what looks like a toy or stuffed animal on the ground.  To show that stuffed animal we don’t take any shit from stuffed animals, I step on it while running by. We stop a few yards away are check out a beautiful in ground pool with a sweet diving board when the stuffed animal moves and looks towards us and Nick says “What the hell is that…..oh, its a skunk.”  After a few awkward moments of not knowing what to do, we ran quickly across the street and into some back yards.  When we stop running it smells a whole lot like a skunks butt hole.  Like really bad. We argue for a bit about who got sprayed until they all decided it was me.  For the record they were wrong, we were just trailing the smell of the skunk from the previous yard, much like when someone farts and walks by a crowd of people, also known as “crop dusting”. Amazingly, this skunk failed to spray any of it’s 5 targets, one of whom stepped on him.  I’ve been thinking about this for the better part of this week and I think he was so surprised 5 people would be completely oblivious to the smell and end up walking within feet of him that he was caught completely off guard.  Possibly, he got stage fright just like how some people can’t pee in front of other people. Or maybe he was just new to the whole skunk game.  These are all likely scenarios, but this one, I believe to be the correct one:

After being held up at the office to catch up on his expense reports for the week, Fang (the skunk) found himself to be not in the mood for the leftovers of his wife’s signature meatloaf salad.  Fang was always a big fan of Taco Bell, so on the way home he stopped and picked up a crunch wrap supreme, a grilled chicken quesadilla, two soft tacos and a large Mountain Dew.  Quite famished from his long day of work, he decided eat right in his car and he pulled up and parked next to a group of high school kids who had obviously just illegally smoked marijuana cigarettes.  The unusual amount of hemp clothing and Phish playing in their car were dead giveaways. Now this is where it gets fuzzy, I believe we ran into Fang later that night as he was on his way into his house.  Since he had eaten quite alot of tacos earlier that night and his digestive system wasn’t what it used to be, he was unsure whether when he aimed and pushed he would spray us, or just simply poop his pants; forcing him to walk back to his family embarrassed and covered with his own poo, putting more stress on what was already a shaky relationship with his wife.

Megan Fox is really hot

If that is the case, I apologize for the awkward run in and I wish you and your wife the best, Fang.  But whatever really happened that night, I wanted to share my brush with weeks of smelling very bad with you.  The moral of this story is that when faced with a skunk, don’t immediately run away.  First, run toward is quickly whilst giggling, and maybe step on it. Then pause for 20-30 seconds. Finally, after you have completed all of the prior steps is it time to run away.

Also, there is not real reason for this picture of Megan Fox to be here. But she is hot. So I guess it works out in the end.

P.S.  I do not claim to be a skunk expert. So before playing with skunks, please consult your nearest skunk scientist.

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