Update: The Amish Just Got Reckless

Posted: July 21, 2010 by eg in General
Tags: , , , , , ,

About a week and a half ago I went on a rant about horses and laws regarding the use of horses. You can see that post here. I wasn’t just ranting for the sake of ranting, I was genuinely curious about all of those questions I asked in the post. Seriously, what happens if I decide to take my hypothetical horse named Lance out to the bar one night and I end up getting pulled over on the way home?  Are there any remaining laws from horse and buggy times that govern such circumstances?  Well, great news everyone, Anne S. from Long Island tipped me off to a recent development in the news. Heres the scoop in my own words and inside of quotations:

The Amish just got a little cooler

According to sources, an Amish teen and his horse ran into some serious trouble with the law on the night of July 12th.  Around 1:30 a.m, the great men and women of the Cattaraugus Country Police Department apprehended  Levi E. Detweiler, age 17, after he ran a stop sign, failed comply with an officer’s commands to stop his horse and buggy, took a turn too quickly and crashed into a ditch.

Levi has been charged with underage possession of alcohol, second degree reckless endangerment, failure to stop at a stop sign, failure to yield to an emergency vehicle, and something called overdriving an animal.”

….Well, that answers almost all of my questions from earlier.  Levi is the most badass Amish kid I know.  He must have decided to throw a few back with his buddies after a good day of barn raising.  His asshole friends however, decided to let him get behind the reins when it was time to hit the hay.  I figure he was probably bumpin some N.W.A. on his buggy’s stereo while chanting “F*&# THA POLICE!”  during his entire mile long, low speed getaway before attempting something he learned while playing GTA4 and ending up in a ditch. What a freakin badass.

I have nothing to add aside except that his parents are asses for naming him after a brand of jeans.  Are all Amish kids named after clothing brands they’re not allowed to wear? I mean, they could have at least named him after an expensive brand, like diesel. You know, a brand that has lots of stains and holes in all their clothes. Everyone knows there is a relationship between how messed up your jeans look and how cool you look (See Graph Below).

Holes/Stains VS Coolness

Let me further explain the correlation and the graph. Obviously, if you have no holes or any type of stains your coolness factor will suffer greatly. As the jeans you buy increase their total hole/stain factor, other people will begin thinking you are cooler. This continues until your jeans have far too many holes and you begin to look homeless. Then, inexplicably, it rises again briefly. I believe this to be cause by people actually thinking you’re wearing shorts due to the massive amount of holes in your “pants”. Strangely, this graph shares a striking resemblence to the “Holes/Stains VS How Much You Are A Tool”

To read more about the Amish drunk driver, the story is here.  The only question I have is what the hell is overdriving an animal? Are there people in federal prison for overdriving animals? I bet they’re badass just like Levi.

Update 7/22/2010: I have been informed that a popular site, whose name involves bars and stools, has also covered this story. Well, I posted it on the 21st and they posted it on 22nd, so guess who wins. This guy.

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Comments
  1. Joseph Bernard Campisi says:

    dude, stop copying barstool sports

  2. Elena says:

    I love these faces of the week. I can see the horse on the left smiling as well LOL Excellent shot and I love the B&W. James I’m wonneridg if you saw my reflection on Friday. No biggie if you didn’t though. This has gotten to popular that it must take you a long time to go see everyone. 🙂 I remember back when you first started it. Boy has it grown 🙂 Congrats to you my friend 🙂

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