Seriously Bad Movie Of The Week Review

Posted: August 10, 2010 by eg in Reviews
Tags: , , , , , ,

I never expected this movie to suck this bad. I knew it was going to suck, but wow. Blown away. There were literally no good points in this movie. Acting, special effects, the earthquake scenes, the lightening scenes, the out of the blue pseudo almost rape scene…all terrible. The story is so bad that every time something develops, another character will jump in and ask them to repeat what they said twice, so the viewer gets more chances at understanding it. This was the best (worst) possible movie to kick off this series of bad movie reviews. >>Click to read the full review<<

I feel terrible for anyone who owns this dvd

Overall Feel

First, the musical score. I usually don’t care too much about it but this was actually bad enough to notice. Imagine Kidz Bop trying to sound epic. Thats what I listened to for 90+ minutes. The special effects, were horrendous. Remember in Ghost Busters when something exploded it was just a bright flash followed by what looked like some fireworks spewing out sparks? Well apparently that is what planets and stars look like when they explode too. The earthquake scenes were by far the worst though. The camera doesn’t move, you just hear someone say “oh no, an earthquake” then everyone starts throwing themselves against walls.

When you aren’t looking at some crappy space explosion, you are hunkered down in the lab where the main character and his cliché-filled team do their work. Every room in this lab is dark and smoke filled. This is so that the small amount of light coming in through the tiny window in the corner is visible to the viewer. It isn’t just at the lab either, their home is dark and dusty too.

Also, being a science fiction movie, you generally need to include some believable science to back up what is going on in the movie. There was as close to no actual science used to explain what was going on. The entire movie had a tone of “what the fuck am I watching?”. At one point in the movie the main character attempts to explain the Earth’s magnetosphere by taking a paper plate, pouring coffee into it and saying “its self sustaining.” Yeah, I’m not an expert on how the Earth works, but I know it has nothing to do with a paper plate and coffee.

Earth's Magnetosphere = Coffee on Paper Plate

The Characters….hoooollly shit. Some were clichés, some were poorly executed clichés.

Main character: He is some sort of scientist (never actually explained what he actually knows about) who also knows how to defend himself against attackers with martial arts training.

Bad Cliché Homeless-looking Russian Scientist

Scientist 1: He is only referred to by his last name, which is Russian. He is a seriously over the top Russian cliché. When you first meet him, he is doing work in the previously mentioned dark smokey lab while drinking vodka out of a Dixie cup. He looks homeless. Occasionally, he forgets he is Russian and he forgets he needs to speak with an accent.

Scientist 2: Suprise! Another bad cliché, this time of a Chinese scientist. Every time someone mentions China, she corrects them and says “its The People’s Republic of China.” Okay, I get it, you’re communist. She speaks with a perfect American accent, however occasionally she forgets this and slips in a bad Chinese accent.

Daughter: At the begining of the movie it seems like they wanted to develop her as the hot daughter because they pan up on her and slow down when they get to her boobs. Then they realize she isn’t hot enough. Later, out of the blue with no explanation why, she understands complex concepts like a Faraday cage.

Mom/Wife: Completely average mom/wife character until, about an hour into the movie, she says “there is only so much that can go wrong with an internal combustion engine.” Then she proceeds to take a screwdriver, jam it into the engine then tells her daughter to start the car. Miraculously, this screwdriver jam technique works great.

Honestly, this is only a fraction of what was terrible about this movie. This takes the #2 spot on my list of bad movies right below Battlefield Earth. Yeah, that bad.

Favorite Scene:
Daughter: Mom we have to get away from the car, it attracts lightning.
Mom: Alright. Go there. [runs aimlessly with daughter]
Daughter: Stay away from the trees, they attract lightening the most.

A close runner up is when they are being chased through some sort of lumber yard. After ditching their pursuers by pushing over a stack of wooden pallets, the mom, dad and daughter get into a truck (the dad also knows how to work the gears on an 18 wheeler like a pro) and begin to drive away. Then, inexplicably, as they are leaving the area they decide to stop, get out of the truck, and run back into it. You actually might want to watch the movie just for this scene, it is hilarious. Its within the first 20 minutes, so you can turn if off after that.

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