…Then The Needle Broke Off

Posted: August 17, 2010 by eg in General, Videos
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

First, apologies for the long absence of any posts. A combination of an awesome vacation to Long Island, then to Atlantic City, then back to Long Island for a bonus day and my computer that hates connecting to someone else’s internet made it very difficult update. My bad. On the bright side, I have something to post now and I will include three completely unrelated videos and tie them in somehow. Horay! >>Click to read full story<<

Stallone. Awesome.

You may be asking yourself, “what does that ridiculous picture of Sylvester Stallone have to do with this post?” Nothing. Nothing at all. But it got your attention.

Last time I went to L.I. it was a pretty solid time. It involved drunken debauchery with my girlfriend’s family and egg sandwiches. No complaints. This time around: drunken debauchery with ol’ college buddies, casinos, explosions and a really intense drive home. Again, no complaints. It was as if baby Jesus was listening to me when I said that the only thing missing last time I visited the area was explosions. What a treat! More on that later. My usual rule of thumb for the Unemployed Graduate is that nobody cares about what is going on in my life, but screw that. This weekend was too good to not share.

It begins with poor decision making on my part. Prior to my 8am wakeup to leave last week I decided to stay up until 6:30am watching episodes of Top Gear on Netflix. Great show, terrible decision. The next 390 miles of my life a blur of caffeine, caffeine-induced sing-alongs (alone) in my car, and some stupid woman driving a brown piece of crap car who thought it was okay to not look directly left of her before changing lanes. Not even in her blind spot, literall directly next to her. If we wanted to we could have been holding hands between the windows. This is what would have happened to me if I hadn’t been paying attention to the stupid lady driving next to my car:

Yada yada yada, 400 miles down. Next stop: Atlantic City.

Considering I had a total of $200 to my name and no job prospects, a vacation to a city built around gambling probably wasn’t the most responsible decision I’ve ever made. It all worked out in the end though. Keys to enjoying Atlantic City: 1) Take advantage of the free drinks while you’re gambling. Thats all. Only one key. When the waitress brings you your rum and coke, give her a good tip then order another immediately. We all left A.C. smelling like New Jersey but with more money than we came with. Overall, I would say it was a success.

So back to Point Lookout, Long Island to relax, 700 total miles down. My girlfriend’s family was nice enough to allow me to come along on their Bed Bath & Beyond college shopping trip for the UB bound Jack. Long story short, after almost being convinced to buy him a $200 oriental rug for his dorm room, they learned why my mom won’t shop with me anymore. And finally, as if to keep me on edge all weekend, baby Jesus called Discovery Channel and told them about me wanting more explosions. The result: Discovery Channel’s Explosions Gone Wrong (clip below) was aired on my final night on Long Island. You may skip to about 0:45 if you want to only see the most awesomest one, but I don’t know why you would want to miss out on any part of the explosion.

Thank you Jesus, for one of the greatest hours of television in my life. One problem though, I dont think any of those explosions really “went wrong”. They looked like they exploded perfectly fine. I think “Explosions Gone Better Than Expected” would be a better name for the show.

Finally time to head home, I hops in my car for the final 400 miles of my weekend journey. Pretty uneventful drive. After missing one exit, I decided to improvise my route by taking whatever road sign said either west or north for the rest of the way home. And have you ever seen that episode of Seinfeld where Kramer is test driving the car and wants to see how far it will go without gas? I did that. I drove for over an hour with my “low fuel” indicator on.

For the record, I was completely freaking out like the guy in the passenger seat. I was trying to calculate my gas mileage and how far I had left on my tank when some electrical malfunctions in my car led to me no longer having any indicator of how many miles I have traveled (good old American engineering). I have never seen a needle the far below empty. It felt like it was going to come down to the wire so I turned off my radio, traction control and A/C, dimmed all of the dashboard lights down as far as they could go, drove as slow as possible to keep my rpms down and then sang to my car to keep her spirits high as she ran on fumes for the last 20 miles. All in all, Cheryl (my car) and I are much closer for having been through this together.


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